Chew Toys
by aimili-sage
Summary: Collection of one shots and drabbles. Pairings and ratings vary, though most are T/T . Warning! A few are for Mature audiences only!
1. Chapter 1

These Bruises . . .

Characters: Leah/Bella (Embry)

Genre: family?/friendship?

Rated: M, mostly for language and subject matter.

Prompt: Week 22 of Tricky Raven's Flash Fic. It took awhile for the plot bunny to bite.

"Where did you get that bruise?"

**A/N: Mating Season universe.**

Leah was cleaning the kitchen while Bella took care of their little brother. It was hard to believe that Aren was already nine months old.

"Thank God he's down," Bella said entering the kitchen. "It seems like it takes longer each time to put him down each time." She put her hands on back and stretched. "And he's getting heavier."

"Mom says I was like that. I wanted to know what was going on all the time." She watched her stepsister stretch her arms over her head. The cuffs to her sweater fell, revealing bruises on her slim wrists. "What the fuck, Swan?" She grabbed her wrists, examining them "Where'd you get these bruises?"

Bella pulled her hands back. "You wouldn't understand, Leah."

Her eyebrows rose. "I wouldn't understand that your wolf put bruises on you?"

"You heard the phrase 'it's always the quiet ones'?"

Leah nodded. "Yeah. And?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "Do you really want to know about all the ways your pack brother mark me?"

Her eyes widened. "There's more?"

Bella pulled her into their parents' bedroom. She stripped down to underwear. Her body was a roadmap of finger-shaped blemishes, from her breasts to her thighs.

"Jesus, Swan."

She smirked. "I like it when he gets a little rough."

Leah plugged her ears. "I don't need to know that shit. And your wrists?"

"Yeah." She examined the marks. "I think we need to splurge and get the fur-lined cuffs. The scarves are hard to get off when they tighten too much."


	2. Chapter 2

Craving

Pairing: Sam/Bella  
Rating: M  
Genre: Horror  
Prompt #: 5 _The Wolfen_

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

_Written for Tricky Raven's American Horror Story La Push contest. Won 3__rd__ Place._

Angela found Bella hunched over the crack dip. "Bella, that has meat in it. I thought you were a vegetarian."

The brunette swallowed her mouthful. "I am. But I've had such a craving for meat lately."

"C'mon. Let's get a drink."

They joined some of the other girls. They were all dressed as Disney's Princesses. Bella was pre-castle Belle, Angela as Ariel, Jessica as Snow White and Lauren as Cinderella.

"Too bad we don't know anyone from La Push. She would have been a great Pocahontas," Lauren complained.

"That's stereotyping. And I asked her to come," Bella replied. "I think she's bringing friends."

Tyler led Bella to an empty room. Pulling her close, he ravished her mouth. She broke away, panting.

"I need you in my mouth," she whimpered.

"No problem." He quickly unbuckled his belt and groaned as he entered her mouth.

A hand covered his mouth as a hot steel band crossed his chest, pinning his arms. His eyes widened in surprise. Bella glanced above his head, continuing to bob on his dick.

"Are you enjoying yourself with my girl?" came a husky voice in his ear. He shook his head. "Really? You don't enjoy seeing those ruby lips wrapped around your cock? Be honest." He nodded. "Swallow him, baby," the voice commanded Bella. Tyler's eyes rolled to the back of his head.

"I'm sure you're a nice guy. But my girl's been having cravings and right now, you fit the bill." With a flash of his arm, hot blood splashed on Bella's face. Tyler screamed behind the hand over his mouth. The reached in the gash and rooted around.

"Ah. Here it is." He pulled out the liver. "Here you go, baby. You," he addressed Tyler, "can pass out now." He dropped the boy to wrap his arms around a feasting Bella. She hummed as she devoured her classmate's liver. Every few bites, she offered it to her companion.

"Feel better?" She nodded. "Still hungry?" Another nod. "Jared!" he bellowed.

"Yeah, Sam?"

"How many are left?"

"Cinderella and Jane. Only one guy is left. The Three Amigos have Ariel, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty bent over in the living room, fucking. I think they mated. Paul and the pups have the rest of the girls in a room." He glanced at the fallen boy, licking his lips.

"Who do you want, baby?"

"Cinderella."

"Jared, you can have Jane. Wait. Who's the guy that got away?"

"Blond, dressed as Frankenstein."

"Mike," Bella offered.

"Leah's riding him like no tomorrow," Jared finished. "Another mate."

Sam nodded, turning his attention back to his mate. "I know what you need. I know what you're craving."

"What's that?" she whispered against his lips.

"Fresh, raw meat. That's what the pups need right now." He cradled her lower stomach.

Charlie watched his daughter dance around the kitchen. "Morning, sweetie."

"Hey, Dad."

"You look like you feel better."

"I do. Sam knew just what I was craving."

"Who survived?"

"Angela, Jessica, Mike and Katie. We left early and joined the gang on First Beach."

"Gotcha." He kissed her forehead then rubbed her stomach. "See you later, sweetheart."


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Do I Need to Ask?

Genre: Humor

Rating: T+ (language)

Pairing : Charlie/Billy (Bella/Jacob)

Word Count: 687 (I tried.)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

*Semi-true story

Bella opened the door to the senior Black house and stopped. There was her father and father-in-law, shirtless. Each was holding a baby. A naked baby. Well, they had their diapers on.

"Do I need to ask?" she questioned. Both men turned to see her in the doorway.

"What have you been feeding them, Bells?" Charlie started. "We went through all their clothes."

She stared at them. "I sent a couple outfits a piece."

Billy nodded. "And every item is dirty."

"And you two? I know Billy has shirts."

"Not any more," he grumbled.

"We have been spit up on, shit on, pissed on, had food thrown at us, spilt our coffee," Charlie said.

"And our beer," Billy griped.

"Dad, they're only six weeks old," Bella interrupted.

"They had a blow-out, Bella. Both of them. I had to hose them off outside."

"_I_ hosed them off. Chief there had to hold them," Billy commented.

"I was wondering why you were wearing different pants. Why didn't you call Sue?"

Charlie gave his daughter an affronted glare. "Between the two of us, we raised four children."

She raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me for pointing this out, but both of you worked during this stage in our lives and only spent a few hours a day with us."

He growled at her and opened his mouth to comment. Jake walked in at that time. He smirked, taking in the undressed state of his father, father-in-law and children. He sat on the couch and waved them on.

"Tell me what happened."

The two friends glanced at each other, then at their children. Charlie started.

"Princess here decided that her morning snack wasn't gonna stay inside her. Not even two minutes after you left, Bells, she grunted and it was all over her and Billy. We set Buddy in his car seat, took her outside and hosed her off. While doing that, Billy got me all wet. We changed clothes. I picked up Buddy to check his diaper and he proceeded to upchuck over my shoulder and down my arm. Seriously, Bells. What the hell are you feeding them?"

"Mostly breast milk. Go on."

"Let me tell you, that stuff is rank."

"I cleaned Buddy up and was changing his diaper when he sprung a leak," Billy continued. "All over me, him and the bed. Then blow-out number two happened. I had the diaper on him and was trying to get his onesie on when I heard this gurgling noise and boom! Out the diaper it came."

"So back outside we go," Charlie added. "Again I get wet. We give them their bottles and put them down for their nap. At this point, it's only been an hour and a half. So we decide to watch the game."

"It was pretty quiet. Then they woke up. Scared the two of us to death. Spilt beer all over us. Another change of clothes."

"So far we're up to a change of clothes for the babies and three for you two," Bella said. "Am I right?"

"Yeah. When we went to get them up, they were soaked. So we're up to another clothes change for them," Charlie said. "We decided to eat while giving them a bottle."

"Big mistake," Billy joined in. "I was holding Princess and her hand fell into the plate. Let me tell you, she has an arm on her. Flung it right at Charlie and Buddy. Buddy retaliated and flung food from Charlie's plate onto us."

"Dad," Jake interrupted. "They're six weeks old."

Billy frowned at his son. "They're more aware than you think."

"And the rest of their clothes?"

"Either spit up or leaks."

Bella giggled and went to check the dryer for clothes. She brought back shirts for their fathers and clothes for the babies. She and Jake quickly dressed their babies. Once they were in their car seats, she turned to the older men.

"So same time tomorrow?" she smirked.

They glanced at each other then at her.

"I gotta work tomorrow, Bells," Charlie said. He grinned evilly at his friend. "Billy's free."

"Fuck you," Billy mouthed.


	4. Chapter 4

Skinny Dippin'

Pairing: Jared/Bella  
Rating: M  
Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Written for Tricky Raven's Men at Work Labor Day contest. Won 2nd Place.

Bella stared out the window at the woods. The same woods she was left broken in. A chair scrape behind her caused her to jump. Turning, she found an elder Quileute sitting at the table. He motioned to her chair.

"Please." She sat gingerly in the chair. "Do you know who I am?" She shook her head. "I am Quil Ateara. My wife was your grandfather's sister. She left this world not long after my grandson was born." He handed a picture to her. A white woman was holding a Native baby. A white toddler with brown, curly hair was kissing the baby on the forehead. "That's you, on one of your visits. She called you her granddaughter. Helen wasn't in her right mind then, so Molly said it was her duty. Three months after this picture was taken, she was gone."

"I look like her."

"Yes. You favor Molly greatly." He placed a folder in front of him. "I know of heartache. If I could have left, I would have. Especially after my son died. Though I believe that there is magic her, sometimes it takes distance to heal as well."

Her lip quivered. "They're not coming back, are they?"

"No, granddaughter, they're not." He handed her the folder. "I have taken liberties and filled out an application for you."

"Where to?"

"University of Hawaii. The West Oahu campus. Rebecca Black lives there with her husband and his family. You need a little sunshine and someone who won't smother you."

Her eyes bugged at the tuition cost. "We can't afford this."

"Yes, you can. Work hard the rest of the school year; you've slacked the last two months. Apply for many scholarships. Including any and all Native ones."

"But Charlie and I aren't Native," she said with a frown.

"You're a member of the Quileute tribe of La Push, WA. In the time of my grandfather, a hokwat-"

"Ho-what?"

"No. A hokwat. A white man. He came to our village and fell in love with the sister of Thomas Uley. They married and had a daughter. Tragedy struck and, in his grief, he left us, taking his daughter with him. When I was a teenager, Geoffry Swan brought home a young woman to meet his family. In telling her story, we discovered that her mother was from here. The girl's name was Helen, your grandmother." He sat back, concluding his story.

She stared at him in awe. "Is that true?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "That is what is written in our archives. That is what our council says. Who is to say different?"

_4 years later_

"Why you have to leave us, keiki?"

Bella glanced up at Fatima, Solomon's grandmother. "It's time. I've been approved to teach on the Res."

"There are school's here, mo'opuna. I thought you would choose one of my boys. What do those Washington haole have that my boys don't, eh?"

Bella picked up a picture frame. "Have you ever seen Jake, Becca's brother? That's us when I graduated high school."

"Oh my. He waitin' on you?"

"No. One of his friends is."

"You heard?" Embry asked as he leaned back in his chair.

"What?" His hands began to shake. He hadn't spoken to Bella in a few days and he noticed that her scent was leaving the shirt she'd sent.

"The teaching position at LPH has been filled."

"That's nice." Had something happened to her? He would feel it, wouldn't he?

"Leah's renting out a room to her. I wonder if she's single."

"Cool." She said she was coming home right after she walked off the stage. He glanced at the clock. Hawaii was two hours behind. Graduation started at 10am. It was now 1pm. Fuck! Only an hour had gone by.

"Maybe I'll hook up with her when she gets settled."

"Yeah, sure."

"Hey, Jared," Charlie greeted when he came through the door. "Did Embry tell you the good news?"

"There's a new teacher at LPH and she's moving in with Leah."

Charlie glanced at Embry, who was smiling mischievously. "Yeah. That. Did he tell you anything else?"

"That he's thinking off hooking up with her when she gets here."

Taking pity on him, he placed his hand on the young man's shoulder. "It's Bella, Jared. She's the new teacher." Jared's head snapped to his friend and growled. When he stood, Charlie stopped him from advancing. "Not in the station. You can pound on him later."

"Sorry, Chief."

"It's okay, son. She'll be home tonight." He patted the young man on the shoulder and noticed his shaking. "Everything alright?"

"He's going through withdrawals," Embry spoke up. "It's been a couple of days since he talked to Bella."

Just then, his phone beeped with an incoming text. He smiled when he read Bella's name.

_This is so f-ing boring. They just finished with the speeches. Who the hell talks for an hour? Don't they realize that people have shit to do?_

_You could have been half way home by now if you had skipped, _he answered.

_And have my kupunawahine on my ass? Don't think so. She scares me more than Leah did._

He laughed. Leah made her very nervous when the she-wolf joined the pack. Now they were closer than sisters. _I miss you. Nayeli._

_Mau Loa._

"Your kids are going to be so confused," Embry remarked, reading the texts over his shoulder. "They're going to switch from Quileute to Hawaiian to English. We're gonna catch only half of what they say."

Charlie's face paled. He pointed a finger at Jared. "No kids for a few more years. Until you turn 21." He stormed off to his office.

Jared smirked. "I'll be 21 in four months, Chief," he called out.

"Twenty-five is a good age. Wait till you're 25."

"You really gonna wait till you're 25?" Embry asked, a skeptical look on his face.

"Hell no. I'll give her a year then we're walking down the aisle. She'll be expecting before that."

Bella leaned back in her seat with a sigh. She was finally going home. Four long years with sporadic visits in between.

She remembered the first time she actually met Jared. After her talk with Old Quil, she pulled herself out of her depression with the help of her dad and friends. She began hanging out with Jake and his friends, Quil and Embry. She had heard rumors of the La Push gang, led by her "cousin", Sam Uley.

Embry, followed by Jake, stopped coming around. She went to confront Jake and found Sam and his minions. Paul, of course, phased in front of her then Jake did to protect her from the hotheaded wolf. Embry and Jared took her to Sam's house, where she met Emily. She chuckled, remembering the conversation.

"_So you're the girl who runs with vampires," Emily said._

"_Can't run with vampires. Cause they're fast."_

"_Yeah? Well, we're faster."_

_She glanced to the guy that spoke. Dark chocolate. That's what she thought his eyes looked like. She felt a tug in her center, pulling towards him._

"Miss?" A voice brought her out of her reverie. "Can I get you anything to drink?"

"A Coke please." Soon she had her beverage and settled back.

Jake had explained the wolves while Jared and Sam discussed imprinting. When Sam described the pain of separation, she hightailed it to her uncle's house, her wolf right on her heels.

The elder explained that they could survive the separation if they set boundaries. Just be friends, talk every few days, exchange clothing and pillowcases, visit every few months.

Bella lasted six weeks in Hawaii before she called Old Quil, crying that she wanted to transfer to UW. He refused. She begged for Jared to come finish high school in Hawaii. That idea was shot down. He was needed in La Push, especially with two new wolves.

A couple of weeks later, Jared showed up at her door. They spent the weekend talking and holding each other. She returned at Christmas. Thus began their pattern. He would arrive every six to eight weeks and she would go home at Christmas and summer breaks.

After two years, she was so ready to transfer to UW. Uncle Quil had a fit when he saw her papers. It wasn't time for her to return.

Jared and Embry had joined the Forks police department, attending the police academy a few months later. Leah and Sam were now finished with their nursing and construction programs at the community college. Jake, Quil and Paul were also going there, along with Kim, Quil's imprint. Jake and Quil were taking mechanic classes, while Paul was into construction. Kim was going for a business management degree to help with Uley Construction and Spirit Garage.

Bella opened her eyes at the bump. They were landing in Seattle. She began bouncing in her seat, channeling her inner pixie. Her seatmate smiled at her.

"Is this your stop?" She nodded. "Who's picking you up?"

"Either my dad or my boyfriend."

"When was the last time you saw them?"

"My dad at Easter. My boyfriend, a few months ago."

"Who do you want it to be?"

She blushed. "My boyfriend." They conversed into the terminal.

"What does your boyfriend look like?"

"He's about 6'4, with black hair."

"Is he Native?"

She looked over in shock. "Yeah. How'd you know?" She followed the pointing finger to find Jared still in his uniform. She squealed and ran forward. He caught her when she jumped. "Missed you," she said as she peppered his face with kisses.

"Missed you more," he muttered as he caught her lips. The kiss was demanding. They parted for lack of air. "You're never leaving La Push again. I'm tying you to the bed for the whole summer."

"What about work? Dad might get a little upset if you don't show up," she said as she traced his lips.

"Right now, fuck 'em. We need to get out of her before we get arrested for indecent exposure."

"Hmm. That wouldn't be good for one of Forks' finest."

"Do you have any bags?" he asked as he led her to the door.

"Just this. I shipped everything yesterday. Where are we going?"

"Back to La Push. I would stop at a hotel, but again, cops will be called. You're not exactly quiet, honey." She gasped and swatted at his arm.

Jared inhaled deeply, taking in her scent in his car. She was home. His mate was back where she belonged. No longer will he have to wait months to see her.

"Nayeli," he muttered.

"Mau Loa," she responded.

He chuckled. "Bry said our kids were gonna be speaking Quileute, Hawaiian and English. That no one will understand them but us."

She laughed. "Becca and Solomon will understand. Their son does it now."

"I'm actually surprised Fatima let you get on the plane."

"She asked me what these Washington haole have that her boys don't. I just showed her a picture of Jake."

"I never understood why you never introduced me to any of them." He was a little hurt by that.

"Because I don't share very well. That was our time together. You'll meet them. Fatima said she's flying up in a few months to make sure you're treating her mo'opuna good. And she's bringing a few of the boys with her."

A few hours later, they were pulling up to First Beach.

"What are we doing her?" Bella asked.

"I can't just hand you over right now," Jared said. "How does a late night picnic sound? Maybe a swim?"

"I don't have my suit with me."

"What a coincidence. Neither do I." He leaned over and captured her lips. "I guess we'll just have to go naked."

She gasped in mock dismay. "Skinny dipping? Jared Cameron, that is quite shocking for an officer of the law to say or do!"

"Come on, smart ass." He pulled the picnic basket and a blanket out of the trunk before locking his gun belt up. Grabbing her hand, he led her down to the water.

Once the blanket was spread, Jared toed off his shoes and socks. He watched as Bella slowly pulled her shirt over her head, leaving her in her bra and shorts. Soon she had all of her clothing in a pile.

"Are you going to join me, officer?" she asked coyly before turning to run into the surf.

Slowly he unbuttoned his shirt, revealing his sculpted physique. His clothing joined hers. He pursued her into the water. She bit her lip as his eyes took on a yellowish glow. His wolf was coming to the surface.

He dragged her into his overheated embrace. She wrapped her legs around his hips. His erection rubbed against her folds in the most. . .delicious. . .way as he walked them deeper into the water.

"My mate." His chest rumbled with the growled words.

"Yes." He shifted her until he was poised at her entrance. She gradually sank onto his shaft. "Oh God. Jared," she pleaded.

With a growl, he plunged into her depths and rotated his hips with each thrust. Little moans of pleasure left her lips. Licks and nips covered her from jaw to shoulder. He tilted her hips forward slightly. She cried out, making him growl.

"Cum for me, Bella." He reached between them, his thumb her clit. Her inner muscles clamped down on him. His rhythm faltered when she bit his collarbone in ecstasy. He roared out his completion.

Jared opened his eyes to find his teeth embedded at the nape of Bella's neck. He licked the wound closed before finding her eyes.

"I marked you," he said softly. He fingered the brand.

"Yes, you did."

The night sky was suddenly lit up with rotating blue lights and a spotlight was turned on them. The whoop of a siren was followed by a deep voice.

"Hey! You two in the water. Don't you know this is a public beach?" Then there was irrational laughter.

"I'm gonna kill them," he snarled as he strode to the beach. When he reached the sand, he shifted into his wolf. "Damn it, Jared!", "It was a joke!" and "Son of a bitch!" could be heard along with yips and howls.

"Idiots, all of them."

Bella looked over at the trees. Leah, Emily, Kim, Jessica, Rachel and Angela appeared and began stripping.

"What are you wahine lolo doing?"

Kim paused in removing her jeans. "You seriously need to get the island out of your speech. It's wisatsu'pat. Say it with me now. Wisatsu'pat."

Bella laughed then her eyes widened. "Holy shit!"

Baring down on her were nine horse-size wolves. Each made splashes around her. One by one, young men popped up.

"Bells!"

She turned to find Seth swimming towards her. She held a hand out. "I'll give you a hug when we're both clothed, Seth."

"No problem. Hey. Did Jared tell you that they're throwing a _huge_ bonfire for all the graduates?"

"I doubt Jared had told her much, considering what they were doing when we got here," Embry smirked.

They played and splashed around until the lights went out.

"Embry Call! Get your ass out of the water right now!"

"Oh shit," Bella muttered. "It's my dad."

"Hey, Chief," Embry called out as he exited the surf, one hand preserving his modesty.

"I thought all of them were proportionate," Angela whispered, hiding behind Jake.

"The water's cold," Collin complained.

"Yeah. Keep telling yourself that," Leah scoffed.

"Hush," Sam ordered.

"Can you tell me why your light are on and there's bits of clothing all around here?" Charlie questioned. "Your uniform better not be in little pieces. Do you know how hard it is to get uniforms to fit you boys?"

"Nah, Chief. I just used the car. Jared chased us in wolf form. We kinda phased on the fly."

"Whose out there?"

"The pack."

"Boys, get out of the water. Now!"

"Now that's picture worthy," Jessica giggled. Nine asses faced them.

"Think they'll let us play Quarters off them later?" Rachel asked. Paul glanced back with his lip lifted in a snarl.

"Who has clothes?" Charlie asked.

"I do," Jared spoke up. "I also have several shorts in my trunk."

"Me too, Chief," Embry said.

"There's also several in the woods," Sam added.

"You three go get 'em. Girls, come out and get dressed. Eyes front, Ateara! You can perv on your girl later."

Once dressed, Bella skirted the boys and walked toward her father.

"Hey, dad."

He sighed. "Isabella Marie. Really? Skinny dippin'?"

_Translations: keiki – child, mo'opuna – grandchild, haole – foreigner/Caucasian, kupunawahine – grandmother, Nayeli – I love you, Mao Loa – forever, wahine lolo – crazy woman, wisatsu'pat – woman _


	5. Chapter 5

**What did you call me?**

**Pairing**: Bella/Jared, Logan

**Rating**: T

**Genre**: Humor?

**Disclaimer**: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

"Logan Andrew Cameron, do you know what time it is?"

Logan groaned silently before turning to face his mother. He gave a crocked grin. "I'm on island time, wahine. I have no need for a clock."

Her eyes narrowed. She strode up to him, grabbed him by the ear and pulled him down until their noses touched. "I am _not_ wahine. Nor am I wisatsu'pat. Or woman in _any_ language. I am your mother, your makuahine, shimaa. Mom, Mama and Mommy works also. If I hear you call me that again, or any other person with female parts, I'm calling your kupuna."

He paled. "Kupuna Fatima?"

She nodded. "_And_ Chief, Honey, Grimmi and Faux Pa. You wanna try me, keikikane? Call me wahine again. It is dark. Your ass is in this house _before_ the sun hits the water."

Jared chuckled as his 6'2" 15 year-old son took off upstairs, running from his 5'4" wife. "I think you just put the fear of the spirits in him."

"No. Just the fear of Mommy," Bella said as she smiled at her husband.

wahine – woman, wisatsu'pat – woman, makuahine – mother, shimaa – mother (Apache), kupuna – grandparent, keikikane – son


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: During the few days leading up to Valentine's Day, Tricky Raven gave its authors a challenge: write a 100 word drabble using the prompts. These are my contributions. Enjoy!**

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

1\. Heartbreak Girl

Genre: Family/Angst

Characters: Charlie/Sue, Bella/Sam

Word Count: 101

Prompt: "So much for date night."

Charlie and Sue jumped apart at the sound of the front door slamming. Bella raced past on the way to the stairs.

Sue placed a kiss on his cheek then stood up. "I'll go check on her."

He let out a sigh, his head falling back on the couch. "So much for date night," he muttered. A knock at the door dislodged him from his inner bitching.

Opening the door, he found Sam on the other side, looking desolate. He crossed his arms over his chest. "Can you explain to me why my daughter ran through here, crying her eyes out?"

2\. Family Portrait

Genre: Family

Characters: Wolf Pack

Word Count: 100

Prompt: picture of girl taking a picture in the mirror

Mating Season universe

The photographer looked over at his assistant. "From now on, we're charging for location and head count."

He turned his attention back to the group. Kids were running around with harried mothers after them. Some of the guys were playing around as much as the kids. Several women, who were pregnant, yelled and/or laughed at the antics. An old man looked pleased at the commotion around him.

"Can we have just the family members please?" he called out. It quieted down and people got into position.

"Son," the old man answered from the middle of the group. "We're all family."

3\. Wicked Children

Genre: Family

Characters: Seth/Bella, kids

Word Count: 98

Prompt: picture of a girl taking a picture in the mirror

The Pack's Imprint universe

Two arms snaked around Bella's midsection as she cooked dinner.

"Hello, Ms. Swan."

She turned and grinned. "Well, hello, Mr. Clearwater." She wrapped her arms around his neck as he dipped in for a kiss. A click separated them.

"Eww, gross," Gannon said. Cameron nodded.

"I think it's awesome for people Mom and Dad's age to show affection," Lucy commented.

"As long as it's just that," Charlie said with a shudder. "Can you imagine Mom and Dad bumping uglies? That's just gross."

Bella gasped and threw a roll at her oldest. "Just for that, you set the table."

4\. Welcome Home

Genre:

Characters: Unknown Wolf

Word Count: 106 (got close)

Prompt: It was his best idea yet.

He stepped back from the canvas. He wiped at the sweat on his chest, unknowingly smearing paint. His head cocked one way then the other. A smile began to form on his face. This had to have been his best idea yet.

The painting was of Akalat, James Island. Figures wove between the trees, spilling onto the beach. The individual in front held his arms out in a welcoming gesture. Behind him, a wolf towered over him. On either side of him, men and wolves seemed to fade into the distance.

"Oh, babe," she whispered in amazement. "What are you going to call it?"

"_Welcome Home_."

5\. Different Languages

Genre: Friendship

Characters: Bella/Jared

Word Count: 98

Prompt: I love you.

_Skinny Dippin' _universe

Jared wrapped his arms around Bella and pulled her closer. They watched as the sun rose over the horizon.

"Which way is La Push?" she whispered.

"That way." He pointed towards the northeast. "What's going through that over-active mind of yours?"

"I think we just screwed up. We were having a hard time before, but now?"

"Bella." He tilted her head back. "Just remember nayeli."

6\. Drunken Confession

Genre: Friendship

Characters: Bella/Leah – non slash

Word Count: 105

Prompt: I love you.

"I love you," Bella slurred, leaning on Leah.

"Yeah. Okay, Swan." She pushed the drunken girl gently away.

"No. I mean it. I love you." She was right back on the she-wolf. "You're snarky, sarcastic, a down-right bitch. You don't take shit from anyone." She sighed. "I wanna be like you when I grow up."

Leah snorted. "You wanna be a bitter harpy who won't let go of a past relationship that everyone says was obviously doomed from the start since he didn't imprint on me."

Bella pfffted. "It's better than being outta your head crazy, doing stupid stunts to hear an undead sparkly's voice."


	7. Chapter 7

At the Water's Edge

Pairing: Pack  
Rating: K  
Genre: Family

Word Count: 552  
Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

"What are you doing with that?" one boy asked.

"We're gonna did a hole," the second boy said.

"To China?" a third asked.

"No, stupid. It's a trap to catch a cold one."

"Don't call people stupid, Ro!" a man called from up the beach.

"Sorry, Dad!" Ro called back. "If we did holes along the beach, and a cold one comes from the ocean, it will fall in the hole and the protectors will bite its head off."

The third boy scratched his head. "I don't know, Ro. Wouldn't it see it? Dad said they have good eyesight."

"And what if a protector falls into the hole?" the first boy asked.

Ro rolled his eyes at his friends. "Just go get shovels from your house."

The boys soon returned and the three set to dig their trap.

Up near the tree line, a group of people watched the boys. A fire crackled in front of them to keep them warm on the chilly fall day. The man in a wheelchair smiled fondly at the trio near the water's edge. Arms wrapped around his shoulders.

"It's like looking into the past, isn't it?" Joy asked. Billy nodded, patting her arm.

"The pictures not complete," Charlie said. "Ah. Here she is."

A small Native girl walked up to the boys, dragging her own shovel. She set about helping them out.

"How many pictures you gonna take, woman?" Quil queried. He wrapped his arms around his wife, his palms resting on her extended stomach.

"As many as I want," Bella replied.

"I always meant to ask," Sabrina, Collin's girlfriend, began. "Why do you call him Ro?"

"Cause he's Quil Ateara VI," Jake answered.

"Then why not call him Quil?"

"There's three Quils," Embry stated. He pointed to each in turn. "There's Senior, Junior and Hefty."

"We call him Roku, which means 'Six' in Japanese," Bella said.

"Hefty?" Sabrina asked.

"Kid weighed ten pounds when he was born," Quil said.

"Whose the other kids?"

"The one in the vest is Embry's son, Gaige. Roku is the one with a beanie. Ro, put your hood up!" Bella called out.

"'Kay, Mom!"

Quil chuckled. "I can hear his eye roll from here."

"The last boy is mine," Jake finished. "Hamish."

"And the girl?"

"Sam's daughter, Jade."

"They've got unusual names."

"Not that unusual," Bella grumbled.

"Easy, Mama," Quil whispered in her ear before placing a kiss on her temple.

Sabrina glanced around. Nearly every woman cuddled up to on of Collin's friends was pregnant. She frowned. "There's not something in the water, is there?"

They laughed. "Could be. It's like a domino effect," Sue said from beside Charlie.

"Once one gets pregnant," Joy began.

"Usually Bella or Emily," Sam interrupted.

"The others turn up with baby bumps," she finished.

"Always with one or two more adding to the group," Leah added. She stood and stretched, showing off her bump. She glanced over at the gate, where six toddlers were corralled.

A yell from the shore line turned the adults' attention. The girl tackled the boy in the beanie, knocking him into the water. The other two boys were yelling and splashing around them.

Sam sighed. "Let's go."

Jake, Embry and Quil followed him to gather their kids.

Old Quil chuckled. "Yep. Just like looking into the past."


	8. Chapter 8

Twelve Days Before Christmas

Pairing: Paul/Bella  
Rating: M  
Genre: Humor

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Written for Tricky Raven's Twelve Days of Christmas contest.

Twelve days before Christmas, my mother gave to me . . . a headache.

"So Phil and I will be there on the 20th. Can you pick us up from Sea-Tac? Our flight gets in at 3pm," Renee said.

Bella gritted her teeth. "Why can't you fly into Port Angeles? I can get off of work to come get you."

"And get on a smaller plane? You know how I feel about that, Bella."

"Then I'll have to send Paul and Quil to pick you up."

"Bella, I don't know these people. I want you to pick me up."

"Mom, Emily and I have a party that night. I can't leave her to cook for over 100 people _and_ set up. If you guys fly into Port Angeles, I can come get you, then be able to drop you off the hotel and be back to finish setting up."

"Oh. Didn't I tell you? We're staying with you and Charlie."

She was speechless. "On the air mattress in the living room? That won't be enough room with the tree and gifts."

"No, in your room, silly. You can sleep on the sofa."

Bella began to bang her head against the cabinet. "Have you talked to Dad about that?"

"I figured you could. Now, about picking us up."

"Right now, Paul and Quil are the only ones available."

Renee sniffed. "I guess we'll rent a car then."

"Mom, I need to get back to work. Love you. See you next week."

"You're gonna give yourself a headache," Emily advised.

"Too late. Hurricane Renee already did."

"Surely it's not that bad."

Bella leveled her with a look. "I'm supposed to pick them up from Sea-Tac at 3pm on the 20th. Not Paul and Quil, me."

"That's the day of PACC's Christmas party."

"Yeah. And they're staying with me and Charlie."

"Does she know that Sue moved in?"

"She would have if she asked Dad. That honor goes to me, who has been kicked out of my room and relegated to the couch."

"Ouch."

"Yeah. So I'll be stuck in the house with my barely civil parents, a step-dad and my dad's live-in girlfriend, who is his best friend's widow and can't stand my mom." She sighed. "Is it wrong to wish the holiday season was already over?"

Eleven days before Christmas, my "older brother" gave to me . . . a fall through the ceiling. And a broken bed.

"Thanks for doing this, Sam," Bella said. "Charlie's on nights this week and Sue's been after him to the decorations down."

"No problem." He gave her a side-ways hug.

"Hands off my girl, Uley." Sam was pushed aside and two arms wrapped around her from behind. "Hey, babe."

She tilted her head back to find her boyfriend smiling down at her. "Hey." She puckered up for a kiss. "You gonna help Sam?"

"You sure as hell ain't carrying anything down those stairs. You'll be in the ER with a broken leg."

"Ha ha. Get your ass up there, Lahote."

"Yes, ma'am." He pulled her closer. "I love it when you get bossy." He tapped her ass on the way up the stairs.

Bella set to cleaning the bathroom. She was scrubbing the bathtub when the ceiling shook, followed by a crash in her room. Standing quickly, she caught herself before she fell back into the tub. After banging her shoulder on the door jam, she stared into her room, her mouth hanging open.

Sam was sprawled on her bed, which was on the floor, surrounded by plaster. She looked up to see a Sam-sized hole in the ceiling, Paul peeking down at them.

"Are you okay, babe?" Paul asked her.

She nodded. "Sam?" He just held up a finger.

"You landed on a bed. How the hell can be out of breath?" The finger switched to a salute. "Not my type, Uley. Get your ass back up here. There's at least 10 boxes to bring down."

"What are we going to do about my bed?" she asked.

"I'll make some calls, Bells," Sam answered, dusting out his hair. "You'll have a bed by tonight." He kissed the top of her head. "Don't worry, little sister."

Ten days before Christmas, my father gave to me . . . Christmas lights, and a sprained wrist.

Banging on the roof caused Bella to sit straight up in bed. She glared up through the still hole-y ceiling as if she could incinerate the person with her mind. When the banging continued, she grumbled as she kicked off the covers and stood up. With one step, she was on the floor with the covers around her feet.

She stomped down the stairs and out the door. When she reached the road, she looked up to find her father and Seth on the roof.

"Dad, what the hell?" she yelled.

"Morning, Bells." His smiled fell when he noticed what she wasn't wearing. "Where's your jacket and shoes?"

"What are you doing at 7am on a Monday morning?"

"Hanging Christmas lights. Seth's helping."

"Don't you have school?" She turned to the young wolf.

"Council business." He waggled his eyebrows.

She sighed. "Guess I'll get dressed since I was rudely woken up."

"Careful about the ice, Bells," Charlie called out just as her foot hit a patch of it. Her feet went up as her body went back and down. Her hands went to catch her fall.

"Bella!" Charlie yelled.

"Bells, you okay? Shit! Paul's gonna fucking kill me," Seth muttered as he picked her up.

"Did you just jump off the roof?" she queried.

"Yeah. Let's get you in to see Mom."

Sue choked on her coffee when she saw her son carrying Bella into the kitchen. "What happened?"

"Bella slipped on the ice," Seth said the same time Bella replied, "Seth jumped off the roof."

"Let me see your wrist. I can see you hiding it." With a sigh, Bella surrendered her hand. She winced at the poking and prodding. "I think it's just sprained. Come by and see Dr. Gerandy when you get dressed. And you," Sue rounded on Seth, "jumping off the roof where people can see."

Charlie barreled into the kitchen. "What's the diagnosis?"

Nine days before Christmas, I got tangled in the stupid garland.

Bella glared at her boyfriend and friends. "It's not funny," she growled.

"Actually, Bells, it is," Embry snickered.

"How the hell did you manage to get tangled in the garland?" Leah asked.

"I was trying to _untangle_ it. It turned into a creeping vine and I ended up like this." She wiggled around then huffed. "Can someone please get me out of this?"

"Hold on, babe," Paul said as he knelt next to her. He started pulling, but the garland held. "Hey, Emb. Get me some scissors."

Eight days before Christmas, my uncle gave me spiked eggnog.

"Here you go, sweetheart," Old Quil said as he handed Bella a cup.

She took a sniff. "What is it?"

"Eggnog. You drink it, not sniff it."

A few hours later, Bella stumbled her way to Paul. He winced at her breath. "What've you been drinking?"

"Unca Quil been givin' me eggnog."

"Babe, he put his moonshine in it. How many've you had?"

She shrugged. "M'be five. Or was it six?"

Seven days before Christmas, the hangover from Hell came a-visiting.

"Morning, babe!" Bella's hand reached out from the cover and felt around. When she found his cheek, she smacked it. "Fuck! What the hell, Bella?"

"Shh," came her muffled reply. "No talking."

"I fixed you bacon and sausages, fried eggs and pancakes."

She lurched to the side of the bed and fell out of it. Stumbling, she made her way to the bathroom sink in time to empty her stomach. She cracked an eye open to see him standing in the bathroom doorway. "You're an ass."

Six days before Christmas, three bitching wolves, I mean wise men, were fitted for costumes.

"Why are we wearing dresses again?" Brady whined.

"It's not a dress," Angela said, slapping at his leg. "It's a robe. The three of you are the Wise Men."

"Bitching Wolves, you mean," Leah said as she pinned the hem of Collin's robe. He growled at her. She narrowed her eyes and growled right back. "Keep it up, mutt, and you'll be neutered before you get laid."

"His cherry got popped on Halloween," Seth said.

"By who?" Bella said in shock.

"Layla Mallory," Brady replied. Bella and Angela shared a look before letting the laughter out. "What's so funny?"

"Sh-she's playing the V-virgin M-Mary," Angela cackled.

"That girl hasn't been a virgin since Bella moved here," Embry said.

"How do you know that?" Bella asked, still giggling.

"Who do you think popped _her_ cherry?" He waggled his eyebrows.

"She _does_ take after her sister," Jake said.

Leah groaned. "How many of you idiots took a turn on Forks' bicycles?" Jake, Embry, Quil, Seth, Collin and Brady raised their hands. She quirked an eyebrow at Sam, Jared and Paul.

"Rachel Black," Paul smirked.

"Same here," Jared said.

"Sam?" Emily asked.

"Rebecca Black." He winced at Leah's glare. "It was a year before we began dating."

Five days before Christmas, my boyfriend caught me under the mistletoe. Mmmm.

Bella was exiting the hallway at Paul's when he caged her in his arms. His head dipped to hers. "Look up," he said against her lips. Mistletoe hung from the entrance.

"I guess I have to give into tradition." She pressed her lips against his. His tongue begged for entrance to deepen the kiss. Her lips parted for him. Soon they both caught fire.

"Oh fuck, Belle," he groaned. He pushed her yoga pants down as far as he could without detaching his mouth from hers. He stepped on the crotch and lifted her at the same time. Her legs wrapped around his waist.

"Now," she said. He pushed his shorts low enough to free his erection. With one thrust, he was seated to the hilt. They both moaned at the sensations.

Paul began to raise and lower Bella on his cock. "Lean back a little," he told her. "Yeah, right there."

"Ohmygod. Paul, oh God." He increased his pace, pistoning his hips up to meet hers. Moans, groans and the slapping of flesh echoed through the house.

"Now, babe. Cum on my cock." He leaned down to lightly bite her nipple. She shrieked when her orgasm hit her. He grunted as her pussy clamped down on him. His knees hit the floor, his own orgasm locking up his muscles.

"Damn," Jared said, impressed. "Think you can do that, Marks?" He threw a bottle cap at Leah's imprint.

"Dude," Austin looked over at the wolf, "my girl can bench press _me_. What makes you think I can hold her up like that? No, against the wall is fine for us."

"And all I could do was hang on for the ride," they heard Bella say. Soon six faces appeared in the window.

"Time to go," the girls said at the same time.

Four days before Christmas, my friends proved they were perverts with "naughty Santa".

"Okay," Emily began. "As we told you at Thanksgiving, whoever got a couples' name bought them a gift that they _both_ could enjoy." She cut a look at Quil. "Who goes first?"

Leah smirked. "The Alpha pair of course." She pulled a present out from under the tree. "It's from me and Austin."

Sam wore a wary look on his face. He opened it to reveal several candles. "'Massage candles'," he read. "Chocolate dipped strawberries, silent night, love spell and sex on the beach."

"Thanks, you guys," Emily said as she reached for her and Sam's gift. "Here you go, Collin."

The teenager tore into the package. "Twenty-four count of Christmas condoms."

"Yeah, after what I heard the other day, I figured that you needed it," Sam explained. "Your mom's scary when she's mad, and I don't want her to come after me if you have an 'oops' nine months later."

"Thanks, man. Alright. To my favorite cousin and his imprint." He tossed a gift to Jake and Star.

Star eagerly tore into the paper. She squealed then held up the box. "Sex position of the day playing cards! Thank you so much, Collin!" She got up to hug the boy. "It will come in handy." She waggled her eyebrows at her wolf.

Jake just laughed and pulled a package out and handed it to Quil. "Here you go, man."

Quil ripped it open to find a vibrating cock ring. "Alright. Hey, babe," he turned to show Angela, "we got another one."

"Another one?" Kim asked.

"Yeah. The last one died. Couldn't get the damn thing to work again." He growled when he noticed his imprint's ass in the air as she dug out their present from the back of the pile.

"Hush, you." She pushed up her glasses as she handed Embry and Nadia their gift.

Nadia took her time unwrapping the paper. Inside was a book. "'Naughty and Nice Christmas Kama Sutra'," she read. She immediately opened it to read.

Embry handed Seth his gift. "Enjoy," he said.

Seth smirked as he opened the present. "Bondage kit. Cool." He held up his fist to Embry.

Leah narrowed her eyes. "Do I want to know?"

"Nope," her brother replied as he got Jared and Kim's gift.

Kim began laughing as she opened the present. "His and Hers Oral Kit. Lovely, Seth." Jared just handed a bag to Brady.

"Lube and condoms." He peeked into the bag.

"Needed since you like to take rides on bicycles," Jared said.

"Here you go, Bells," Brady said, giving her his gift.

Paul put his chin on her shoulder as she opened the bag. He smiled at the title, _365 Naughty Nights_. "Think we need help, pup?"

Bella smacked her wolf. "Thank you, Brady. Here's yours, Leah."

Leah opened the present. Austin's eyebrows rose. "Wireless vibrator? Yes!" he exclaimed.

Three days before Christmas, the curtains ate the Christmas tree.

Bella was trudging up Nana Lahote's walkway when she noticed something different. "Nana," she called back to Paul's grandmother. "I thought we helped you put up your tree."

"You did, dear." The older lady looked over at her from the car door. "Why?"

"Where is it?"

Ashley glanced at her front window, where her Christmas tree _should_ have been. Instead, there was darkness. They quickly entered the house to hear a whirring sound.

"Ah, shit," Ashley said. "Bella, unplug the tree. I told Greg I didn't want the damn thing."

"What, Nana?"

"A spinning tree stand." She gestured to a cream and blue mass. "The tree was too close to the curtains."

"So the curtains are wrapped around the tree?"

"Damn things ate the Christmas tree."

Two days before Christmas, the stockings caught on fire.

"I think the fire is high enough, Charlie," Sue said from the couch.

"Just one more log." He tossed said log on the fire and faced the room. "There. It'll be toasty in no time."

"Holy shit!" Renee exclaimed.

Charlie turned around to see sparks flying up from the fireplace. A few landed on the stockings that were hanging down, catching them on fire. Seth and Paul quickly tore them down and threw them into the fire.

"I told you the fire was high enough," Sue said, taking a sip of her cocktail.

One day before Christmas, I needed brain bleach . . . and witnessed a fight in the manger.

Bella stumbled up the stairs to the bathroom. After emptying her bladder, she shuffled into her room, yawning. At her dresser, she pulled out her underwear and cracked open her eyes.

"Oh sweet Jesus," she muttered, slapping a hand over her eyes. "You know, you could have said something," she told her mother.

"You could have knocked," Renee countered.

"Hey, Bells," Charlie said from the hallway. "Have you seen - oops! There you are."

Bella peeked through her fingers. Yep, her mother was still in her position on top of Phil, covers below her ass. Her hands were covering her breasts. Phil's hands were flexing and squeezing Renee's hips.

"Are-are you still going?" she screeched.

Renee shrugged. "We're exhibitionists, Bella. Phil's about to cum so why stop."

"You are so wrong," she grumbled as she bypassed her father.

"Still looking good, Renee," she heard Charlie comment.

"Brain bleach, a couple of gallons worth. That's what you can get me for Christmas," she called out.

"So they kept fucking!" Kim whisper-shouted.

"Shh. Yes, with me and Dad standing right there."

"Wow. Okay, so whose Joseph, the innkeeper, the shepherd and the angel. We all know that Layla Mallory's Mary."

"My brother, Avery, is Joseph," Austin said.

"I remember him," Bella commented. "He's the one who helped me load the bikes."

"The angel is Katie Logan, the shepherd is my cousin, Lacey," Angela continued, "and the innkeeper is Tyler's brother, Nick."

"Here come our wise men," Kim squealed. Seth led Collin and Brady to the front, presenting their gifts to Mary and Joseph. Collin and Brady sent a wink and a kiss to Mary. Joseph scowled.

"Of course they would flirt during the nativity," Sam grumbled.

"Hey, look at Seth," Jared said. The pack's eyes found the oldest of the trio, whose gaze was locked with the angel.

"Another one bites the dust," Embry said.

"Why's Nick frowning?" Emily asked.

"Because Brady just imprinted on the shepherd," Jake answered.

"Avery's getting pissed," Austin observed. "Collin needs to cool it with the flirting."

"That's it!" Avery Marks yelled, standing up. "Keep your lips to yourself, asshole. My girl's not interested in you."

"Really? That's not what she was screaming last night," Collin fired back.

"You don't know jack shit."

The wolf smirked. "She's got a tattoo on the inside of her thigh. Black widow spider. Got it two days ago, so of course missionary was out of the question."

Avery let out a strangled scream and lunged for Collin. In the process, he knocked into Lacey. Brady growled, reaching for Avery. Nick stepped in and pushed Brady back. Seth sighed, helped Lacey up and reached up for Katie. His back was turned to the fight briefly as he lowered Katie to the ground. Nick was pushed into Seth and blindly reached for the collar of the robe as he fell. The rip could be heard throughout the square. Seth's bare ass was on display to all of Forks and La Push.

"Does the boy not know what underwear is?" Charlie queried.

"Nice," Renee commented. "Bet you could bounce a quarter off it."

"Mom!" Bella exclaimed, horrified.

"Best nativity ever," Nana Ashely said to Old Quil.

On Christmas Day, I received the best Christmas present ever.

Bella was finally able to relax. It seemed as if the last two weeks were one mishap after another. Except for the time under the mistletoe. That was a yummy moment. She leaned back into Leah's couch, remembering.

Paul captured her attention by pulling her to her feet. They stood in the middle of the room, all conversations tapering off. "Twenty months ago, this spitfire stood up for a friend who she thought was being bullied. I looked into her eyes and knew this was the girl for me. I admit that I didn't have the best reputation, but eventually she tamed the beast inside." Those in the know of the pack snickered. He dropped to one knee. "Isabella, will you marry me?" He pulled out a white gold ring topped with a sapphire.

Her breath caught in her throat, her eyes captured by the ring. Several minutes passed by. He began to get nervous. "Babe?"

"Jesus, Swan," Leah called out. "This is where you answer the man."

Bella raised her gaze to Paul's. "Yes," she breathed.

He whooped and pulled her into a kiss. "Can't get rid of me now, pale face."

"I think it's the other way around, wolf man." She removed a stick from her pocket. She turned it where he could see the two pink line. "Can't get rid of _us _now."

Paul dropped to the ground, Bella on his chest. She slapped his cheeks to get him to wake up.

"Told ya," Embry gloated. "Pay up, suckers." The other wolves groaned and handed over their money.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Tricky Raven hosted an April Fool's Drabble Challenge. Seven prompts in seven days, 100 words each. These are my entries. Normal disclaimer, of course.

**Title: My Little Cupcake**

Pairing: Bella/Quil, OC

Rating: K

Genre: Family

Word Count: 100

Prompt: Cupcake ATM

She covered her mouth, stifling her giggles, as she listened to her husband.

"My little cupcake has the sweetest smile," he crooned. "Yes, you do. Dear little cupcake, won't you stay awhile? Forever and ever and ever. Come with me where moonbeams paint the sky. Right over La Push, baby. And you and I might linger in the sweet by and by, oh . . . Oh. Hey, Bells. Princess," he held up their daughter, who was cooing up at him, "was having a hard time getting back to sleep."

She shook her head. "You're so full of sh-tuffing, Ateara."

**Title: Childish Games**

Pairing: Bella/Embry, OCs

Rating: K

Genre: Family

Word Count: 100

Prompt: Robot Attach Pigeons

"Robo peons, attack! Pew-pew! Pew-pew!"

"It's pigdons, not peons, doofus."

"Don't call me doofus, dog breath!"

"Shut up! Jeez. Pigeons, not peons OR pigdons. Stupid boys."

"Ooh. I'm tellin'. Mom! Nessa called us stupid!"

"I said _boys_ are stupid. Not you two."

Embry entered the kitchen to find Bella banging her head against the cabinet. Their 18-month old blew raspberries in greeting.

"Hey." He pulled her back against his chest.

"Several kids will be fun, Bells," she mocked, placing a hand on her burgeoning belly.

A loud thwap sounded from the living room. "Take that, Cullen! Poof. Nothing but ash."

**Title: High Times**

Pairing: 18 yr. old Charlie, Billy, Quil 4, Harry

Rating: T – for drug use

Genre: Humor

Word Count: 100

Prompt: High and Lazy by Bezt

"Just think about it," Charlie said, arms gesturing wide. "The Greco-Roman, Babylonian and Norse would be human. Totally human. But the Native American and Egyptian, they would have animal heads on human bodies."

"Whoa," Four said. "I wonder if Taha Aki would have a wolf head."

Billy pushed him over. "He was an ancestor, not a god."

"So just imagine," Charlie continued, "comin' down the stairs to find Horace with his big gator head, sittin' there, watchin' TV and drinkin' your beer."

Harry glanced at the joint in his hand. "Four, where the hell you get this from?"

"Josh. Why?"

_**I am aware that Horace does not have an alligator/crocodile head. I purposely did it wrong for the story._

**Title: Generation Gap**

Pairing: Quil Sr and Jr.

Rating: K

Genre: Humor

Word Count: 100

Prompt: "Damn. It feels good to be a gangster" needlepoint

Quil checked himself in the mirror. "Daymn!" He put on his shades and struck a typical gangster pose. Throwing open his door, he yelled, "Let's roll, bitches!"

He paused in the living room doorway, taking in his grandfather's outfit. "Granddad, what's with the pin-stripe and funky hat?"

"It's a fedora."

"But the wedding party is supposed to dress like gangsters."

"I am; 1920s gangster. Complete with tommy gun." He gestured to his grandson. "And you?"

Quil smoothed down his wife beater and adjusted his pink headband. "Modern day gangster, with gun." He produced said gun.

"Jr., that's a water pistol."

**Title: La Petit Mort**

Pairing: Bella/Paul

Rating: M

Genre: Sexy Time?

Word Count: 100

Prompt: Take Me to Church by Hozier

"Swan? What're you doing here?" Paul glanced around to see if anyone else was around. Bella brushed past him to enter his house.

"I realize that we have preconceived notions of each other. I think that you're all talk and you think that I rode a discostick."

He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at her. "Didn't you?"

"The most he would do were little pecks he called kisses and held my hand." She untied her trench coat, revealing a white, lacey push-up bra with matching underwear.

"Symbolism much?"

She sauntered closer. "Offer me that deathless death, Paul."

**Title: This Just In**

Pairing: Bella, Embry, Jake, Quil, Charlie, Mike Newton, Tyler Crowley

Rating: T

Genre: Humor

Word Count: 100

Prompt: Cheeseburger Stabbing

"This just in," Quil announced in his best news anchor voice. "The diner in Forks witnessed a horrendous crime – a cheeseburger was viciously stabbed."

Charlie cut his eyes at the joking teenager, effectively shutting him up. "What happened here?" No one spoke. "Bells? Jake? Embry?"

"Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!" Quil raised his hand. Charlie sighed then nodded. "So marshmallow there," he pointed to Mike Newton, "was showing off his atrocious drumming skills and hit the edge of the knife. It goes up, does a coupla flips and ended up right through cupcake's burger." He motioned to Tyler. "It was very acrobatic."

**Title: Outting**

Pairing: Paul/Bella (from Prompt 5)

Rating: M

Genre: Family?

Word Count: 100

Prompt: You f*ckin' did it.

The bonfire was roaring to the heavens. Bella was soaking in the warmth as the springtime air became cooler with the setting of the sun. Emily and Kim lounged nearby; they waited for their wolves to come.

The thundering of feet announced their arrival. Paul emerged from the forest while the others appeared from the cliffs pass. The wind changed direction to where Paul and the fire were upwind. The pack paused and inhaled deeply. Jake began to growl and shake.

"You fuckin' did it," Jared said, surprise lacing his voice.

Paul shrugged. "Of course I did. She's my imprint."


	10. Chapter 10

Characters/Pairing: Quil, Embry, Paul, Jared

Rating: R

Genre: Humor?

Prompt: J. Giles Band – Centerfold

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended

Quil turned the magazine, first way then another. He scratched his head. "I don't know, Emb. She doesn't have a tattoo."

Embry snatched the magazine from his friend's hands. "She could have gotten it after Christmas. She didn't come home for Spring Break. Remember?"

"Yeah. She did get that new job. Still, she wouldn't do something like this."

"What are you two bitchin' over?" Jared asked.

"Emb thinks Wolf Paw's new centerfold is Bella Swan."

Paul snorted. "Little Miss Innocent?"

Jared smirked. "Don't you mean 'not so innocent'? She's been beneath each of us several times."

"Give it here." Embry handed it to Paul. He began examining each picture. As he did, Jared turned to the others.

"Has Jake heard from Bella lately?" he asked.

Embry nodded. "She has a new job that will keep her in Pullman over the summer."

"So, Lahote. What's the verdict?"

A smirk twisted his lips as he laid the magazine down on the counter. "I heard from Sam. There's a new girl." He pointed to the cover.

"That does not answer the question," Quil interrupted. "Is that Bella Swan or not?"

"You see," he continued, shooting Quil the stink eye, "she's a little shy, hence the mask."

"You already know, you fucker," Jared said.

He just smiled and flipped the magazine open to the centerfold. "All Wolf Paw models, male and female, have a paw print somewhere on their body." He tapped the black decal on the inside of the model's hip. "It's not a tattoo. Although, I did hear from a little birdie up Pullman way that Bella did visit the shop a couple of times." He stroked the artwork on her shoulder in the next picture. "Not exactly sure what she got, but I was hoping to find out."

Embry moaned. "Put us out of our misery and tell us."

"How much time do you spend between the lovely Miss Swan's thighs?" he countered.

"About as much as you," Quil bragged.

"Oh, son," Paul said. "I sincerely doubt that. While you peons pounded away in several positions, I spent an hour or two worshiping at the temple daily."

Jared rolled his eyes. "Paul," he growled.

"Okay, okay." They turned their attention by to the magazine. Her hair was artfully arranged to look as if she spent the last few hours rolling around in bed. Her right arm was cocked behind her head, her left hand on her stomach. Teeth peeked out from luscious lips as she bit the bottom one. Her legs were splayed open, showing every secret.

"Right there. See that mark?" He pointed to a mole on her upper right thigh, an inch from her nether lips. "How many other girls do you know that has a mark in that exact same spot?" He stepped back.

"You're basing your argument on a beauty mark?" Embry asked.

"And Sam. Bella is now a member of Wolf Paw Productions."

"You mean?" Quil began.

"Yep. Our little Bella is now a porn star."


End file.
